Bart's List

      At the beginning of every episode of The Simpsons our friend Bart
(whose childhood closely mirrors my own) is seen copying something
on the blackboard over and over .... presumably 100 times.
Some enterprising Simpson watchers claim to have compiled the definitive
list of the things that Bart has written.
I don't know how accurate this is .... but here goes!
  • A burp is not an answer.
  • All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
  • Funny noises are not funny.
  • My name is not Dr. Death.
  • Coffee is not for kids.
  • Goldfish don't bounce.
  • Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
  • No one is interested in my underpants.
  • My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
  • Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
  • Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
  • Garlic gum is not funny.
  • The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
  • Teacher is not a leper.
  • The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
  • The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
  • There are plenty of businesses like show business.
  • This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  • They are laughing at me, not with me.
  • Tar is not a plaything.
  • It's potato, not potatoe.
  • Spitwads are not free speech.
  • Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
  • High explosives and school don't mix.
  • "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
  • Underwear should be worn on the inside.
  • The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
  • I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
  • I will finish what I sta
  • I will never win an emmy.
  • I will return the seeing-eye dog.
  • I do not have diplomatic immunity.
  • I did not see Elvis.
  • I am not deliciously saucy.
  • I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
  • I am not a 32 year old woman.
  • I am not a dentist.
  • I am not a reincarnation of Sammie Davis Jr.
  • I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
  • I will not Xerox my butt.
  • I will not re-transmit without the express written
    permission of Major League Baseball.
  • I will not torment the emotionally frail.
  • I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
  • I will not squeak chalk.
  • I will not do that thing with my tongue.
  • I will not drive the principal's car.
  • I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
  • I will not sell school property.
  • I will not burp in class.
  • I will not cut corners.
  • I will not get very far with this attitude.
  • I will not belch the National Anthem.
  • I will not sell land in Florida.
  • I will not grease the monkey bars.
  • I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
  • I will not do anything bad ever again.
  • I will not show off.
  • I will not sleep through my education.
  • I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
  • I will not encourage others to fly.
  • I will not fake my way through life.
  • I will not trade pants with others.
  • I will not carve gods.
  • I will not spank others.
  • I will not aim for the head.
  • I will not barf unless I'm sick
  • I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  • I will not snap bras.
  • I will not fake seizures.
  • I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  • I will not defame New Orleans.
  • I will not prescribe medication.
  • I will not bury the new kid.
  • I will not teach others to fly.
  • I will not bring sheep to class.
  • I will not eat things for money.
  • I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
  • I will not call the principal "spud head".
  • I will not sell miracle cures.
  • I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
  • I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
  • I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
  • I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
  • I will not waste chalk.
  • I will not skateboard in the halls.
  • I will not instigate revolution.
  • I will not draw naked ladies in class.
  • My butt does not deserve a web site.
If you know of any others, Please send them here.
And I will add them to the list.

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Created on: August 05, 2001